The Memory of Water

Who doesn't appreciate a nice cold glass of water?
I know I do, so far on this journey my daily goal is to drink at least eight glasses a day. This amount is supposed to keep an average person hydrated for the day.
Coffee and tea are amazing too because they have detoxifying effects. Coffee for example keeps everything moving in the body (I'm sure you know which parts.)
What I have noticed with being aware of how much water I drink is that my skin seems a lot clearer, however when I first started drinking more water my skin became worse, I think this is because the stagnant toxins in my body were being cycled through. 
And now my skin looks very good.
I have heard the way of which you tell is to look at your fingertips and if they look wrinkled then that means that you are in need of more fluids.
If you are an extreme exerciser then that is where sport drinks come in to play, or if you sweat a lot.
However if you are like me, a relatively non exerciser, and are just concentrating on your NEAT movements then energy drinks are just not necessary and an increase in carbohydrates that you don't need.
Another way to tell if you are drinking enough water is looking at your urine in the morning. If your urine looks like watered down lemonade then you are drinking enough water. If your urine looks like apple juice then you are dehydrated. 
Good to keep your fluids up because it is helpful to feel like your stomach is full, drinking water throughout the day fills your tummy and helps to remove toxins from your body through both sweating and your urine.

Wow! A week and one day! What can I say? How about... Yay!
Today's title,
Friends and their non existent PhD's
I don't know about anyone else, but when I talk to my friends about weight loss they seem to turn into doctors! It's incredible! All of a sudden they're wearing lab coats, a stethoscope appears around their neck, and they're giving me unsolicited opinions about what is healthy and what is not.
Okay, maybe the lab coat and stethoscope stay at the office but I do get advice that I didn't ask for. The most frustrating thing for me about this is that it's from people who are either skinny and have never been overweight in their life. Or on the flip side, it's from overweight friends who have never been a normal weight.
I asked Dr. Laurie about this and she told me that people have an image of what others are supposed to look like in their minds and if change is even mentioned "oh, but you're not that fat." or "But you look good!" starts to come out because the thought of change makes them feel uncomfortable.
And if you haven't mentioned your weight loss journey to your friends but are starting to look trimmer, then I find people start the sabotaging process. Maybe it isn't on purpose, but this is when your office buddy starts to bring in cookies and doughnuts for everyone, or maybe it's a friend who now asks you to eat out with them a lot more than usual now. Dr. Laurie explained this too, the sabotage (in most cases) is definitely not on purpose. Societally in our minds we associate losing weight with being ill. So when people start to bring you food or put you in a situation where food you don't eat anymore is surrounding you like a tornado trying to suck you into your past self! it is because it is a natural response, they are actually trying to protect you, even though they are unwittingly sabotaging what is actually healthy progress. 

How advertising works.
Dr. Laurie recited a commercial she remembered when she was young. The commercial was about special K cereal and showed a woman on a beautiful day, smiling happily as the wind blew through her hair. She biked to the corner store and then the camera followed her back home as she was eating an ice-cream cone as a reward for exercising.
The old special K commercials were about weight loss and being slim and attractive. What is interesting about this commercial is that it alludes to living well and appeals to our emotion. It is a feel good commercial and we identify with the feelings expressed in the commercial, smiling, looking good, feeling good, being rewarded for good behaviour. The trouble with this is that it doesn't make any cognitive sense at all.
So if you walk a mile you will burn 100 calories and if you eat a 300 calorie ice cream then the only thing that happens is that you are fooling yourself into a way of being that only ends up with weight-gain. Emotion in advertising is extremely powerful, this is how people easily out eat their exercise and the truth is taking a leisurely walk or a leisurely bike ride is actually not exercise. Exercise is to increase muscle such as lifting weights to maintain lean mass and increasing heart rate such as an aerobic exercise to burn calories so leisurely walking activities or biking activities don't actually do either and fall under the category of non exercise activity thermogenesis (NEAT). 
The new special K commercials that I have seen are now all about fitness, women who box, or run, or dance, or do really demanding athletics. Special K and other commercials have changed their tune from 'you can't take a pinch off me' to 'I am strong, and I eat special K.'
So now the difficulty is that the advertising is gearing to the confusion of the difference between being unbelievably active and being relatively sedentary. People who are unbelievably active and have lean mass can double their calorie intake easily. 
It takes 3500 calories to lose 1 pound of body fat.
So the difficulty I have found is that I don't fall into either category of ' you can't take a pinch off me' or 'I am strong'. Especially now that I can see the way in which commercials gear to emotional confusion. What these commercials are really saying is how it is we 'should' be able to eat and live life. 'Should' is a societal standard. Bottom lining it what they are advertising is actually the consumption of sugar. That is the societal standard that the commercials are actually promoting. They are promoting that everyone should eat sugar and be able to be thin and happy. So with increasing portion sizes and decreasing physical activity if you consume an extra 100 calories a day you will gain 10 pounds every year. 
So in that original example that Dr. Laurie provided that feel good commercial actually promoted a lifestyle for women to gain 10 pounds every year.
 

How do you know what your ideal body weight actually should be?
BMI is body mass index and you can find the body mass index chart if you google it.
However, the Emotionally Focussed Eating Program uses the Hamwi equation which is 100lbs at 5ft plus 5lbs for every inch you are above five ft. So for me I am 5'5 inches so my ideal body weight should be 125lbs. So I have a fair way to go as I weigh 225.
:( 
Generally speaking society is based upon how many calories people take in. Calories are based in energy and total energy intake is the number of calories you ingest per day which is composed of protein, fat and carbohydrates. I have always found that calories are really difficult to measure, are extremely confusing, and no matter how much I concentrate on calorie intake I don't see the results on the scale. So in the Emotionally Focussed Eating program the only thing I have to concentrate on is strictly carbohydrate intake. Finally. Something simple.
So speaking of calories generally you also hear about exercise. Exercise is for heart health and muscle build up. However most people out eat their exercise. This program concentrates on something called NEAT with is actually non exercise activity thermogenesis, the reason being that Dr. Laurie has had clients dedicating themselves to weight loss, then buying a membership at the gym, and then either never going, or going to the gym and hurting themselves and then by the time it takes them to recover never going again.
​So by concentrating on NEAT, which is purposeful activity through non exercise, I can actually burn calories. NEAT is just about movement. For example pacing while watching TV, or bouncing your leg, or moving your arms while talking. I sit at the computer all day, and that is a very sedentary lifestyle. The more people gain in weight, the less likely they are to move and movement is extremely important in regards to burning off body fat; so participating in activity, any activity, enjoying it and making it consistent throughout your day will mean that you will be lean and fit without needing to force yourself to the gym.
And that's great because I can't afford the gym both because of time commitment and financial commitment. Even if I could, I'd probably never go.
​Thanks for reading.  

Five alive! That's right, already on day five and keeping it alive with a new post.... even though that brand of drink is out of commission.. oh well, it rhymes.
Last entry I introduced you to the idea of self trauma, and challenged you to think of the ways of how you might have fallen victim to this. So today we are going to talk about negative self talk.
I know that I say negative things to myself all the time, even if they are not true, such as 'You aren't doing enough.' Even though I have many projects on the go at one time. 'You are ugly. Not good enough. Not successful enough. People feel obligated to be around you.' 
Very nasty things like this have really effected my self-esteem, the way I see myself, and consequently, my weight. You do not need to be fat to have negative self talk. However societal expectations are geared to being thin. Self deprecation is a way to keep women in particular from appearing to be successful. These negative self statements are powerful and the more they are thought and the longer they are believed the more each one of us needs to comfort ourselves from the pain. 
What are your negative self statements?
Dr. Laurie states that, 'negative self statements can't be heard by anyone else and when a negative self statement goes off in the individuals mind, there is an immediate emotional  reaction, and in order to sooth the sting of the resulting emotion the pain needs to be avoided and overeating is a fabulous way to avoid pain.'

On the fourth day of blogging I'm happy to announce, still on track! Still On Track! STILL OOONNN TRACK!
That's right my faceless friends, I'm still on track with this protein packed lifestyle! Hurrah! The first goal is in my sights! I have now lost seven pounds!
Yesterday I mentioned how clothes shopping is for me and I wanted to expand a little on that.
I feel like no matter what I do, all people see is how big I am.
I can be wearing the cutest jacket, the most sparkly jewelry, I can make my hair look amazing, but no matter what colour my nail polish is the first thing that crosses my mind when I look in the mirror (or admittedly when I look at other people who are bigger) I think, 'Large'.
I don't want to, it has just become the norm to, well, to base first impressions on looks. It doesn't matter if your values are towards comfort or towards looks, what you see is the first impression you have of another person.
I have heard stories form other plus size women of how when it is that they are eating at restaurants or having an ice cream that they get looks of disapproval and how people stare. "The truth is, that is actually how socially we keep one another in line" says Dr. Laurie. So the reality is when someone looks at you, they are actually assessing whether they are okay. If you have high self esteem you will make an immediate assessment when you see someone staring at you to determine if you are okay and if you are; you blow off the stare, or you take the stare to the positive and assess the stare as appreciation. If however you have low self esteem then you will assess the stare as disapproval, feel bad about yourself and say a negative statement to yourself such as, "I am Ugly". 
This self statement is extremely important. This negative self statement actually perpetuates weight gain, and actually falls under the heading of 'trauma'. The basis of the Emotionally Focussed Eating Program combines two principles, the first principle addressed is that of food and what food is actually really composed of. The second principle is that of addressing negative self statements that have been acquired through trauma. 
What are your negative self statements?

And on the third day, she...continued on the road to success! 
I briefly mentioned yesterday how I used to wear 'the grunge look'. So today I wanted to talk about the struggles of being a bigger size and trying to find clothes that fit. Now that there are more plus sized stores it's easier to find clothes that technically fit the body, but I find that because everyone who is larger carries their weight differently, whether it be all in the stomach, the hips, the boobs, or evenly dispersed, clothes don't look good. To me at least. For my body whenever I'm hunting for stylish clothes I tend to find clothes don't sit right, they are too big in some areas, to small in others, they just don't sit well.
Models used to annoy me. I used to say, "Ugh! Why don't they have plus sized models?!" But now that there are some, I find there are still limited body expectations. The plus sized models that I have seen have big butts, big boobs, thick thighs, relatively skinny arms, a flat tummy, and I don't know if this will make sense but, nice knees. They all have that perfect hourglass shape.
So the difficult thing when dealing with plus size clothing is because no matter how dressed up I am I am still frumpy. Which of course fits under the comfort category, the goal is to keep aiming for the looks category. To get there, that means that the clothing size has to go down.
The longer I concentrate on emotionally focused eating the more the smaller dress size is and therefor being in the 'Looks' category is actually achievable. So then the question is, how long is it going to take?
I have already started to feel looseness in my waistband on my pants and that's exciting!
However, this is not an overnight experience, this is a slow and steady wins the race experience. This is a lifestyle change and so the expectation is that I am dedicating a year to this program.
I anticipate that I will be, over this next year, moving myself from the comfort category to the looks category where I will stay. 
I look forward to achieving this journey along side others, so join me! Join the emotionally focused eating program! Here is the link, http://www.thecounsellinghouse.ca/weight-loss-program-in-london-woodstock/ 
​   
 

Hi there protein puppies! Today I wanted to talk about the difference of value systems. Have you ever caught yourself thinking, 'I feel bad about the way I look, so I guess I eat to make myself feel better, but then I feel bad for eating again.' The thing I want to point out about this statement is that it is all based in feelings. 
There are two types of people, those who value comfort and those who value looking good. People who are based in comfort tend to be emotional eaters. They want to feel comfortable so when they feel bad they substitute the feeling of happiness and security with eating.
People who's value system is based in looking good are better equipped with dealing with emotions that make them feel uncomfortable, such as stress, anger, or other forms of being emotionally disturbed because they are not based in feeling, they are based in thinking. Thinkers are actually based in rules and as such they look at eating more to do with rules than to do with feeling at all. You can always tell a person who is based in looking good because they do just that; they are dressed to the nines, their hair is perfectly quaffed, and their body is slim.  People who are based in comfort look very much like that. They have a tendency to wear sweat pants, baggy clothes, and have a tendency to be overweight. 
Okay, so what are you? 
100% Comfort                                                                                                                               100% Looks
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Where would you like to be?
​What is great about the Emotionally Focussed Eating program is that you are taught how to deal with uncomfortable feelings. You slowly learn how to change your value system from constantly trying to sooth yourself to being aware of how you feel, what you do to cope with those feelings, and how this affects your physical, mental, and emotional health and what the rules are to look good.

I know that for myself, at the disregard of my mother, I rocked the grunge look for many years. Everything for me was about being comfortable. I dressed all in frumpy, dark coloured clothes. I remember at one point I wore ten necklaces at once and wore a scarf as a belt with a vest and what not, when I say rocked I mean I was on a long bumpy road without four wheel drive. I looked like I lived in a cave, and for the most part, I did. Many of my days were spent in the basement, either watching TV or on my computer, or both. Comfort was my middle name.
With the help of Dr. Laurie I learned how to really take care of my physical appearance, I want my nails to look clean; if my polish is chipping, I take it off. I now start my day with artfully styling my hair. I'm looking at knew fashion, new makeup, new, new, new. And you know what? I feel like half the time it actually takes my mind off food. And the other half of the time when I go to eat something that isn't in the plan or I go for an extra portion size, my new style helps me stop and think, "Does what I'm about to do suite the new me?"     

Hi there!
Welcome to the wonderful world of protein. Through this process I will describe the trials and tribulations of, NOT going on a diet, but changing my whole perspective of my life style. I will be cutting out carbs and refined sugars from my life and pledging my allegiance to fat and protein.

I always found it funny when talking about physical health that people say 'you are what you eat, so eat natural, because at the end of the day we are natural. So eat natural.' or whatever. But when you think about it not all things natural are necessarily good for us. Apples for example are perceived as a healthy snack but in reality they are full of sugar. And before you say, 'but it's healthy sugar.' I'm sorry but it's time to take off that sweet blindfold, sugar is sugar is sugar is sugar. It doesn't matter where the sugar comes from, it's all sugar. So not only will I not be allowed, sorry, no more restrictive words here, not only will I choose to cut out bread, chocolate bars, and all typical fattening foods, but the secret sneak attackers like apples, potatoes, and my favourite, squash, and my second favourite, honey glazed ham, and my third favourite- this is going to be tough.
Also, when you think about your body through the natural scope, it is actually made of fat and protein. Basically your body is made up of muscle, fat, and water. So if we follow the old saying, we should be eating protein, fat, and water.

Now I did a little fib, today isn't actually my first day. I decided to start this a week or two ago. My starting weight was, oh geez, 230 pounds. However, as of today I have lost 4 pounds! Here are my goals,

October 15- 230
November 6- 215
November 20- 210
December 4- 205
December18- 200 
​
Basically it is five pounds every two weeks, which I think is perfectly doable. (Also I gave myself so much time because if you're like me and you have tried changing habits before, there are bound to be a slip up or two..or three.)
And don't worry, if you think I just woke up one day with the epiphany that sugar is bad and therefore I am crazy I can assure you I did not.
I am actually receiving help from a counsellor, her name is Laurie Ponsford Hill and she is the  clinical director of The Counselling House. She fully understands how this diet change works as she herself was overweight and lost it by saying goodbye to carbs and prioritizing protein. And I will include to her Emotionally Focused Eating program below.   

Writing everything down is crucial. I keep a log of what I eat and drink so that if I lose weight I know why and, in turn, if I gain weight I know why. I also keep room for a section I call 'How I Feel'. This is so when I feel distraught over my lack of weight loss I have an outlet for it instead of turning to food, and if I feel ecstatic about my weight loss I have a good memory to look back on and keep me motivated. This weight loss journal will teach you how to be accountable for your actions.

Another thing I want to cover is taking something carb-laden and converting it to fit the protein requirements (which is zero to no carb). I tried this also, using coconut flour to try and make pizza, using flax seed to make bread, all these tasted how they sound; disgusting. And on top of all this, as I said before, these ingredients were natural but they were no help in my weight loss journey. In fact,  they really are just as bad as real bread.
Now saying this, of course you can make successful conversions, for example, my best accomplishment at this is making no carb mozzarella sticks. They are tasty, stringy, beautiful no carb wonders. No bread crumbs! Hurrah!  

Now I know what you are thinking, 'wait, if something is zero carb, like chicken, then does that mean I can go buy a roast chicken and eat the entire thing and still lose weight?'
YES! (as long as there are no hidden carbs.) When you fist start this, you will feel cheated, angry, and left out. Those are really important feelings to pay attention to. A significant part of the emotionally focused eating program is not only dealing with food intake but the emotions that go along with it. They go hand in hand to overeating and as such both need to be worked through. So the first hurtle is the food. 
​So that is why it is really important for you to take the emotionally focused eating program if you feel you are an emotional eater. 
The Counselling House
http://www.thecounsellinghouse.ca/weight-loss-program-in-london-woodstock/