Day One Hundred and Seventy!!!

So what is it like to work from home and be addicted to food?
 
It’s bloody hard, let me tell you.


I established a while ago, that yes, I work from home and live with my family, and yes, I am addicted to food. Food has had control over me for as long as I can remember.


Whenever I experienced any feeling, I would respond to it with eating because it make me feel safe, and comfortable. Maybe the most diabolical of all, food made me feel like I was choosing to eat. 


Going through the Emotionally Focussed Eating program has helped me identify my problem with food and my emotional connection to it, and my participation in this program has given me coping strategies to deal with it. 


But gosh darn, is it ever hard. 


My mother had her birthday yesterday (Wednesday) but we celebrated it on Saturday by going out to eat and indulging in cheesecake, then we celebrated it on Wednesday by, again, going out to eat, and buying sushi for dinner, and indulging in ice cream cake. 


What stood out the most to me was that I had dinner on Saturday and on the Wednesday, a measly three days later, I was shopping like my old self again! I bought two family sized sushi sets, a box of spring rolls, jalapeño poppers, bacon wrapped scallops, and bacon wrapped sausages from Walmart, then I bought four more sets of sushi from a vendor in a mall. And when I got home I made dumplings. I ate up that sushi like a mad man but because my stomach has physically shrunk I couldn't finish all of it. In fact we had a ton of leftovers that we hadn’t even touched! 


So, what have I learned?


I learned that old habits die hard.


I learned that celebrations actually need to have a time limit.


It is important to recognize that even though I have a new way in which I celebrate , there is a tie limit. We have a limited time in which we emotionally celebrate and that emotional celebration can go on, and on, and on. Now I recognize that t does not have to.


I recognized that when the day was over , and for the first time ever, I wanted to get back to my new normal, I wanted to get back to my new way of looking at food, my new way of living, and my new way of managing how I balance life. 


I actually realized I was looking forward to it (getting bak to me food), sure I had let go for the moment, but I needed to have that feeling of control. As as such, I couldn’t wait to start a new day; and today I worked, drank my water, didn’t concern myself with leftovers. I had my meat and veg dinner, I filmed today for work, and dealt with the fact that I didn’t sleep, well because I had a kink in my neck.  I dealt with all of this by going right back to the diet and regiment! 


This is my new normal. Life beyond carbs. And yet incorporating carbs, because, in the realty of life carbs are apart of life and as such we need to deal with them.