The first step to being able to change, is something called the responsibility assumption. Responsibility assumption, is having the ability to take responsibility, for such things as; the way you look, what you do, how you are perceived, what you have and do not have, and what you weigh.
If you feel in no way responsible for your own predicament, then how is it possible to change it?
One way that people do not take responsibility for their predicament, is by externalizing the problem. By externalizing the problem all of the blame of the predicament goes outside of you, ‘it’s everybody else fault, its the fault of the food, the fault of our culture, the fault of the work environment, the fault of genetics, the fault of everybody else,’ but you.
It is important to pay attention to your own personal contribution to your life circumstance.
At the opposite end of this spectrum is the internalizing of the problem. By internalizing the problem, this means that a person completely blames themselves and their inabilities, so that, there’s no responsibility elsewhere except for their own short comings. Internalizing the problem are statements such as ‘I’m not good enough, I’m not able, I should have known better, I’m hopeless.’ Nothing else is to blame, but you.
Both of these ends of the spectrum are emotional transferences to either others or yourself. These emotional transferences are based in responsibility-absolving arguments. The truth is, there is a lot of reasons why a person ends up out of control, it is actually really a combination of both of these ends of the spectrum transferences.
It is true, on the one hand; we do have to deal with our genetics, our environment, as well as how commercialism strives to make us fat, while at the same time makes us miserable for not achieving societies norms of thinness.
As well, on the other hand; we also have to deal with our short comings, weaknesses, and disappointments in life and how we feel about them!
It’s not all societies fault, (externalizing) and it’s not all of our fault (internalizing), either. It is a combination of the two, both of these emotional transferences need to converge together in order for us to be able to deal with the constraints of our circumstance. In this way we are balanced in our responsibility assumptions.
It might be really good to be able to sit down and write these out for yourself, in what ways do you externalize? And in what ways do you internalize?
And then create a third column. This third column needs to be a re-boot of new responsibility assumptions, now that you know the issues, what do you want to do about both the external factors and the internal factors for you to gain control?
Both of these factors have led you to where you are now. The truth is, that it is about paying attention to what you’ve got in this third column, in order to be able to gain control. This in turn will allow you to overcome your constraints and get what you want out of life.
When you are able to come to terms with your reality, then what you’re actually doing is revealing yourself. You are taking off the layers that have covered you over. Revealing all of those layers of all of those responsibility-absolving arguments, allows you to come to terms with what you have been covering up. In the revealing, you can get down to exactly how it is that all of those avoidances have covered up your true feelings hidden under all of those layers.
On the quest to lose 50 pounds in a year. Can she do it? Only time will tell....with the help of this blog.