Asking for help!
The ability to ask for help is actually really important in regards to being able to maintain emotional balance. Knowing when you need help, where to find help, and how to ask for help, is extremely important, not only in regards to weight loss, but in regards to managing stress. As well as work life balance. Developing the habit of asking for help can be a powerful component to maintain success.
Those that are successful in maintaining balance are willing to openly seek out support from friends, from family, from organizations, from professionals. All help is beneficial to being the best you can be. I find that people have a tendency to either be afraid to ask for help or categorize asking for help as being weak. The fear is that when having help and giving control over to someone else means that the task won’t get done the way you want it, so it is easier just to do it yourself or you find it embarrassing because they don't want to bother anyone.
People actually love to be helpful! Especially, in marital relationship because husbands and wives need to feel that they are needed and it feels good to be needed. When a person appears to be too strong or too self sufficient then the other partner doesn’t feel needed. It does take practice though, to be able to ask for the right help and to be able to accept the help provided. Partners have a nasty tendency to insult the help they are given in order to make themselves feel good. This is not a well received experience for others. Like for example, refolding the laundry, pointing out your partner’s inadequacies, complaining that it isn’t the way I would do it, or demanding something that the other person just can’t do.
I have a friend who was very upset that she felt she had to take care of the kids all of the time and her complaint was that her husband had a self care routine in which he took an hour after work just for himself. She became extremely angry over this perceived injustice. So, he offered to help by figuring out how it is that she too could take an hour a day just for herself. Then became the ‘yes but’ syndrome, all of the reasons why no matter how it is he was willing to help nothing was going to work for her, except for him giving up that hour he was taking for himself.
So what she was really actually asking for, was not actually what she was really asking for. So, it is really important to be able to be clear with yourself as to what it is that you are needing. To be able to ask for what you are really needing is to be able to ask the right person for the right help in the right way.
It is really important to be able to monitor yourself, catch yourself before you start to get off balance. Identify what it is that you are actually really needing help with, develop a plan ask for what you are needing and then allow the other person to be helpful. It is important to be able to discuss what it is they are able to give, and excepting it. The key is to be able to identify what is most important (asking for help), while being able to identify that every little bit of help goes a long way.
On the quest to lose 50 pounds in a year. Can she do it? Only time will tell....with the help of this blog.