Day Three Hundred and Fifty Two!!!!!

Breaking the Allusion 


How long have I been photoshopping my face onto a supermodels head in my mind? Probably years. That’s the goal right? To have perfect sun kissed asking, smooth body parts that have never experienced any form of stress, hardly an ounce of fat to be seen. I recently realized that this is never going to happen. Shockingly enough, it has taken me this long to come to terms with this fact! 


Am I surprised? Not really. Am I devastated? A little bit. Losing weight and overcoming the sugar addiction, and accepting that I won’t be able to ever eat my feelings again is a ton of work and to come to the conclusion that all of this hard work won’t result in a body that a magazine would publish is sad. Unfortunately, even with this conclusion, I can’t turn around and just give up. 


This realization can be shattering for some people as they have been fantasizing themselves into a supermodel for years. The important thing to remember is that if you reach your goal, even if it isn’t the goal you originally dreamed up, it will be better then the state you were in before. I remember when I weighed 270 pounds, was I happy? No. Was I proud of the way I looked? Absolutely not. Did people treat me well, with respect, admiration, kindness? Close to never.


I am not at my goal yet, I am not even at a healthy weight yet, and how has my life changed? I feel comfortable buying clothes. I am happier than I have ever been before. I am treated with respect, and if I’m not I love myself enough to give those crappy people the boot. Understanding that I will never have the ‘perfect body’ took a bit of grieving. Did I cry? Maybe I would have a few years ago, but no I didn’t. I have proven to myself that I can be happy without the photoshopped body. Maybe I won’t wear a bikini but I will wear a bathing suit at the beach, and that is a huge accomplishment.