The Mike and Molly
The TV show ‘Mike and Molly’ outlined how people get together because they are attracted to one another based on certain characteristics. A main characteristic is to do with weight. Now, weight is not the be all and end all of a relationship but the truth is, it is a factor. When making a lifestyle change it is important to take into consideration your partner; is your partner willing to work on it with you? If they are then great! The two of you can work together, support one another, encourage one another and create a new basis of being for your relationship.
But what if they are not? Are you prepared for the ramifications? When two people are similar in lifestyle and characteristics then frustrations are minimal, but when one person starts to grow and change and do life differently then the frustration zone increases. In watching my Mike and Molly episode today I watched as Molly began her weight loss journey, had a Fitbit and was determined to put what she needed in place in order to lose weight. She wanted Mike to come along for the ride, only he resisted, he wasn’t ready, he fell in love with her for the way she was and truth be told he wasn’t looking for change. The more resistance, the more she became frustrated, the more she started to bake.
Homeostasis is a powerful force. It is to do with staying the same. Whether you know it or not, in your relationship is an unspoken agreement, a silent agreement of how it is that you behave together. This behavioural contract is like concrete and once set, is near impossible to change. If one person tries to change the contract the other says, ‘you know what I was like from the beginning.’ and therefore it does not change. The two people have to be willing to create a new contract, a new way in which they are willing to behave together. Without this new contract behaviours will always revert to the original contract, the same with Mike and Molly.
So you can change your own personal behavioural contract with yourself. You can adopt the strategies to maintain self-control, to be your own person and to stand on your own two feet. As long as you are willing to recognize that there are ramifications to your behavioural change and that you are okay with that within your family structure then you will be okay. However, if you experience negativity, anger, resentment, disappointment, sabotage, and the like, then what is happening is that your partner or family are saying ‘change back!’ In order to steer the course, it is all on you to be able to maintain your own boundaries and not fall for such ploys. If you can’t do that then the truth is you are allowing your emotions to rule you.
That is where the Emotionally Focussed Eating program comes in! In order to help you help yourself.