Day Two Hundred and Forty One!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re-evaluate your life.


I love this phrase, I love it because it is such an extreme. I like to use it particularly when I am talking about something minuscule like, “I hung out with my friend and noticed he puts in cream before his coffee, he needs to reevaluate his life.” see? It’s funny.


Recently however, I have actually been reevaluating my life, what makes me happy, what effects my mental health and therefore my physical health. I have always identified as a person that feels most at home when I am surrounded by friends, I love the camaraderie, the fun, the feeling of belonging. I live with my family in the country and the absence of friends has really taken its tole on me. I constantly compare myself to my friends now, and what they are doing and because I live so far away from them and the city I feel like I am doing nothing.


So, what I did to resolve these feelings is work, I write everyday whether it’s funny or sad or just informative, I write so I can practice my craft and not fall behind my friends who live in the big city, the people who have the opportunity right in front of them to perform and do things a country girl like me can’t. I visited a friend recently who has been pestering me for quite some time now to move to Toronto, but when I asked him what he has been doing he told me that he has been working, not working on his craft but just so he can pay the bills. 


At first he treated me like a friend should be treated, with respect and sincerity. I would make a joke and he would laugh because it was funny, I would make a statement and whether he agreed with it or not he would acknowledge it. Soon after however, he would laugh at my jokes because “they are so stupid.” and instead of acknowledging what I had to say he would ignore it. The way he treated me the last time we spent time together really got me to reevaluate my life. My friend wasn’t being my friend because he enjoyed hanging out with me, he wanted me around so I could support him, help him, motivate him to work. I realized that I lived in the country for the past year and had gotten ten times the amount of work done than he did, and he lived in the city that he is so hell bent on me moving to!


For the past couple of days I have been feeling angry and depressed because I didn’t know who I was. I thought I was the girl with the vast amount of friends I could depend on, but I realized these people were actually my coworkers, only available if they could get something out of me. The thing is, I have figured out that when I was living in Toronto with my friends I had gained thirty pounds, I felt horrible about myself because I constantly had to prove that I was worthy of being there. Now that I am living with my family I have lost those thirty pounds, I have been working hard on myself and my craft, I have accomplished so much more than when I was with my friends, and I haven’t appreciated any of it. 


I am realizing now that I need to spend time with my family and actually show them how much I care about them, because up until now I have dedicated myself to people who actually are not there for me. I love my family and they are the reason for my success. If I am going to be successful at my weight loss journey I have to allow myself to feel the love and support of my family and learn how to give it back to them. 


I re-evaluated my life, it was hard, but worth it. Maybe it is time to re-evaluate yours.