How to feel unsuccessful when you really are successful.
There’s nothing like when you are chugging along, feeling good, and then a monkey wrench gets thrown at your face. I’m the kind of person who struggles to see the accomplishments that I have made and I perpetually focus on all the things that I haven’t done. Through this journey I have made a ferocious effort to change my frame of mind, look at the good, the silver lining, focus on the work that I have done and feel good about where I am in my current weight, and in life.
Yesterday I was met with a choice, I could either focus on the bad, feel bad, and eventually do something bad because of it, or I could look at the silver lining. I had ordered a dress from Wish and it had finally arrived yesterday. It looked beautiful, just like in the picture! I was so excited because I knew it would fit, I had ordered two sizes up, I had followed the diet, I had even lost a bit of weight before it arrived! I had completed my fast for the day so there was no way that it couldn’t fit!!
SURPRISE!! It didn’t.
As I was standing there, attempting to push the zipper up just a few more teeth to convince myself I didn’t have to lose another 6 inches, I was struggling to not be devastated. I had worked so hard! I deserved to feel good! I needed to fit into that dress to put a happy cap on the day! I even had my mother try to help me zip it up, but the reality was that I did need to lose another 6 inches. I realized that, you know what? It would have been really nice if that dress had fit, but the reality is it doesn’t. It didn’t fit because I’m not at the end of my journey and I know it. So why feel devastated? Someday soon I will be able to do up the zipper and feel confident in myself. Someday I will get to put on the dress and it won’t be the most exciting part of the day because at that point fitting into it will just be my normality.
The truth is, I’m kicking ass! I’m on the right track to meeting my goal of -50 pounds at the end of the year. Not only am I WANTING to wear dresses but I ALREADY AM! I wore SHORT SHORTS in PUBLIC! I wore a shirt that showed more than just my wrists in public for the FIRST TIME IN YEARS! AND I AM ABLE TO USE FULL CAPS IN A SENTENCE WITHOUT APOLOGIZING!!
Of course the sad feeling of not being able to wear something I want does not escape me, but I have learned to take steps to cope with the ugly feeling. I was at home by myself all day today, but you know what? I wore my prettiest bra, along with a very pretty dress that I MADE!!, very pleasant shoes, and I did my makeup. How can I not feel good about myself when I look so scrumptious!?? Take that, nasty feelings!!
On the quest to lose 50 pounds in a year. Can she do it? Only time will tell....with the help of this blog.