There is a quote from Ernest Hemingway - “memory is hunger.”
I think that quote is a really interesting because a lot of those memories of food is from what we deal with from the past. Some people try to rewrite their memories, revisiting them in order to reflect the world that they actually really wanted. The difficulty with this is that the reflection is not a reflection of our true self, our authentic self, instead it becomes a version of our false self, where we are not truly authentic, and these revisions of our recollections become a masquerade. This is when we develop the ability to, in essence, put on a mask, and the mask is meant to disguise and cover up bad feelings.
This becomes secret keeping behaviour, in order to keep self-loathing hidden, and hides our desperate desire to be loved, and to be approved of. Sometimes it rears it’s ugly head in perfectionism, a masquerade of worshipping something that cannot be attained, that ends up diminishing who we are, rather than enriching who it is that we are. Historically the image of the perfect woman is a woman that is demure, quiet, listening, beautiful, prepares delicious meals, is serene, thin, and sensuous, while focussing their creative energy on the home, creating a sacred haven for family.
Life today for women is a lot more different than this description. Every moment of every day is filled with inexhaustible demands from family and work today. Every moment of everyday is filled with an emotional rush, in order to focus on and attain success in all of the different aspects of life. Life has a tendency to be about getting things done, and what is interesting about that, is that there can be so many demands. The faster we try to run to accomplish those tasks of life, the more conflicted we can become. We think that we’re running to accomplish, but really, we are just marching on the spot. Instead of gaining clarity and focus, instead losing all clarity and focus while accomplishing nothing. This leads to the feeling of overwhelm, the need to become hysterical in order to get attention; creating confusion and disorientation.
Instead of feeling like we belong, in order to be content with ourselves, how we feel in life, we feel off balance. In order to regain balance, we need to be able to restore a sense of authenticity, we need to nurture ourselves and this nurturing is not about perfectionism, it is about acceptance. Perfectionism is a neurosis, it as actually feminine self-loathing disguised as self improvement, it is insidious, promoted by magazines and advertising and shows on TV, while creating an invisible addiction that is hard to recognize.
It is hard to recognize because we are bombarded through the Martha Stewart’s of the world. Of course, to achieve this level of perfectionism, Martha Stewart has a six hundred membered staff and it is actually the staff that brilliantly and beautifully creates perfectionism, while Martha is off doing picture perfect domestic creations.
With publication of Martha’s domestic abilities of perfection, then all of a sudden perfectionism is culturally sanctioned and culturally approved. The thought is, that when in pursuit of perfectionism, you get to run away from your pain and problems. And you get to keep looking good! While it is that you obsess over every detail and actually get nothing done. Not a healthy way of being and not healthy for your weight, just look at Martha.
On the quest to lose 50 pounds in a year. Can she do it? Only time will tell....with the help of this blog.