Day Thirty Two!!

Stages of change 


So one way to get yourself to move from the pre-contemplation stage to the preparation stage is to actually start to sit down and think about the pros and cons of change. The pre-contemplation stage is where the person is totally not thinking about any kind of change whatsoever. But I’m making the assumption that if you’re reading this change is on your mind and so you might be in the contemplation stage. The contemplation stage is where you are totally ambivalent, you can see the pros and cons of change but your not ready to change. Or you might be in the preparation stage and that is where you have decided to make a change, but you are building up confidence and resources in order to actually take action to change. I am in the action stage. I am actively in the process of change. Dr. Laurie is in the maintenance stage where she is just maintaining her hard work and has been there for quit some time now. It is good to recognize that all stages of change include what is called lapse and lapse is when you fall off the wagon. So what most people do is they have multiple tries at change, eventually get into lapse, give up, and then have to start again.
The goal for the Emotionally Focussed Eating program is to overcome the emotional drive to eat while gaining an understanding of what food really is and the combination creates the opportunity to be able to maintain and when lapses occur, you know exactly what you need to do to hop right back on the wagon the very next day. So the fist thing to do is to identify the problem as well as need and commitment for the ability to change. So lets start.


What is my problem? 
My problem is that I am tired of only being able to buy old people clothes, clothes that are designed to make old fat people feel ‘cool’ and ‘hip’, but if you are a young person trying on these clothes you know certainly not. Also I am tired of wanting something that looks cute but just doesn’t look right on me because no matter if it technically fits, it’s just not pretty.
I’m tired of being desperately hungry and spending all my free time either thinking about food, looking for food, being sad I can’t eat food, when I want to eat food. I’m tired of people making a negative comment about my body, and then because I’m angry that I am the way that I am, I eat to stay the way that I am.  I am tired of starting to change and then giving up and not understanding why I don’t see any changes. I am frustrated with the fact that I look the same now as when it was I was a kid and bullied for how I looked. I am tired of when people say ‘you have a pretty face.’ and then smile awkwardly. 


So what do I need?
I need to really be able to ‘get’ food. I need to be able to overcome my emotional trauma from my past and all of my lapses of failure. I need to be able to see myself as a success and look in the mirror and be proud.


So what is my commitment? 
I am committed to dedicate myself for this one year to achieve my goal of finally ‘getting’ food, dealing with my emotional trauma, and through my participation and the Emotionally Focussed Eating Program committing myself to my weekly food journal, weekly meeting with Dr. Laurie and learning how to manage my emotional attachment to food.