Today is a day that will stay with me for the rest of my life. Today I achieved something that I have been fighting to win for years. When I was twelve years old I weighed myself and I was a shocking 217 pounds. I weighed more than my 6ft2” father. After that I continued to gain until I reached my pinnacle of 268 pounds. The lowest I have ever gotten was in my first year of college and I reached 208 pounds, I was so excited because I surpassed by lowest weight and I was so close to reaching what the weight loss community calls ONE-derland. But alas, I sabotaged myself because of the deep rooted issues that weren’t properly dealt with. I gained 30 pounds and thus started my journey to take a year, sort myself out, and reach 180 pounds.
Today I woke up, took a wiz, and weighed myself. For the past few days I had been bouncing around the 201’s. Seriously, the scale was torturing me, keeping me in suspense by showing 201.8 then 201.6 then 201.2 then back to 201.8 again. I looked down today and gasped, yes, I gasped. Finally, I have reached 199.6. For the first time in my entire adult life I have reached onederland and it feels great. For so long it feels like I have been making myself promises and sabotaging myself time and time again. Telling myself that I can do it this time and proving that I actually couldn’t.
Taking the time and actually admitting that I needed help and putting in the work to sort through it all is the cause of my success. I have a supportive wonderful family who understands the importance of my health, whether physical, mental or emotional. I honestly believe that if I continued to push down all the festering poisonous feelings I had accumulated over the years, instead of being 199.6 I would be back up to 268 or worse.
Joining the Emotionally Focussed Eating program was the best present I have ever given myself. It was difficult and painful and I had no idea how much processing I had left to do with my past traumas. I cried so many times going over and retelling how I was mistreated by people and how it had sunken so deep into the core of my very being that I felt like I would never escape it. I arrived home somedays so emotionally exhausted I felt like I would never be happy again. Fortunately, I actually decided to enforce the coping strategies I was taught, instead of eating my emotions to drown them out I confronted them, my feelings of anger, sadness, frustration and guilt were actually being resolved.
If you have been struggling to lose weight and feel like you are an emotional eater like me, then give yourself a present and join the Emotionally Focussed Eating program. I am worth the success, I am strong enough to achieve my goals, I am worthy and receive all the love the universe has to offer me, and so are you.
On the quest to lose 50 pounds in a year. Can she do it? Only time will tell....with the help of this blog.